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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?